The King is Going to Kill Me
by CrossedQuills
Summary: After Clarus is turned into a toad during a hunt a kiss from Regis (shockingly) cures him. Clarus jokes with Regis that he's not a bad kisser. Regis requests some practice. Rated M for later chapters. Young Regis/Clarus


_Well, isn't this just the biggest bitch ever_? Clarus groaned internally, unable to speak as the rancid fog of malboro breath blew away with the breeze. As it dissipated, all that was left where the once proud royal shield was stood was a very buff, very pissed off looking toad.

Before leaving Insomnia, King Mors had entrusted Clarus with protecting Prince Regis in their travels through Lucis. "You've trained him well," King Mors had said, "but he's still naïve about the world and needs protection and guidance. I trust you won't let anything happen to him, Clarus." And, being a good shield, he'd done just that and knocked Regis out of the way just as the malboro vomited up the noxious fumes.

Of course, it wasn't until he was three inches tall did Clarus remember that Regis was wearing the only ribbon amongst their group. It would have prevented such a status ailment, even if the bad breath attack hit Regis square in the face. He blinked his bulbous eyes in irritation.

"Oh…havens preserve us." He looked up and saw Weskham standing over him. The steward bent down and picked him up, holding him in the palms of his hands. "Clarus?"

 _Croak._

Much to Clarus' chagrin, Cid appeared next to the taller man and looked down at the toad in his hands before bursting out in laughter. Weskham's expression didn't change as Cid clutched his sides and continued to chortle. "Clar? *snort* Six have mercy. I would know that glare in any form. How's the weather down there?"

 _Cid, I swear to the Astrals, I am going to shove that spear so far up your-_

"Where's Clarus?" came Prince Regis' concerned voice behind him. Clarus ambled his whole body around in Weskham's hands, (since apparently toads don't have any fucking necks to turn) and looked up at his ward. "Is he alright?"

Weskham sighed. "He doesn't appear to be injured, if that's what you mean."

"Might have some warts though." Cid stifled another chuckle and wiped the tears out of his eyes.

The steward scoffed at the mechanic, a vein prominent in his temple. "I don't know why you're laughing so hard, Sophiar. The strongest member of our team is out of commission and we are out of maidens kiss, if you recall. It's nearly dark and unless you feel like taking on some iron giants by yourself I suggest you shut your screaming howler."

"Tch," Cid scoffed, despite the concerned look the Prince was giving them both. "Well, why doesn't his highness just lay a smooch on precious little Clar-Bear. He's as good as any maiden for a hundred miles around anyway." The toad shot a withering glare at the mechanic. He abhorred that nickname and he didn't take kindly to some grease monkey insulting his Prince… Only Clarus was allowed to do that.

"Would it work?" Regis asked. The three of them looked at him in surprise. The prince was blushing deeply, but the determined look on his face didn't waiver. "Would it make him human again?"

Weskham's shoulders slumped as Cid stifled another chuckle. "Well," the steward said, "I suppose it couldn't hurt to try."

"Pucker up, Sweeth-" Cid was finally silenced by a sharp elbow in the ribs, courtesy of Weskham.

The steward handed Clarus off to Regis, who held him up to his face and took a deep breath. "Sorry," he said before leaning in.

Unexpectedly, there was a poof of smoke and light, causing everyone to close their eyes for an instant. When the smoke cleared Clarus stood, in human form, with his jaw in Regis' hands and his lips still connected to his prince. Regis pulled away in surprise almost immediately, his blush deepening. Thankfully Clarus was quite tan, or the others might have noticed his face getting hot too. They stayed like that for a few long seconds until Weskham cleared his throat. Clarus stood up to full height, letting Regis' fingers slide away from the stubble of his beard.

"Well, I never thought I'd say this, Cid, but that was a good idea," said Weskham, looking over his shoulder to their companion.

Cid, still clutching his ribs, just gave a weak thumbs up.

The next day, after returning to town and collecting their bounty, Clarus and Regis sparred at the haven while Weskham went to restock on curatives and Cid went shopping for Regalia parts. Clarus swung his sword at Regis, who dodged it, but barely. "You _need_ to be quicker on your feet. I know it's my job to be your shield, but you really should to learn to dodge on your own. I can better protect you that way."

Regis warped away from another slash of the sword, leaving a faint blue afterimage as he did. "I knew that malboro attack wouldn't affect me. Not with the ribbon."

"You can _not_ rely on your accessories like that," he slashed again. Regis blocked with his sword and counter attacked, knocking Clarus back a step. "If it gets damaged or an imp steals it mid-battle you would need to dodge. If you rely on something like that so heavily it will be your downfall." He thrust his sword forward, Regis warped again, but Clarus had been reading his moves. Turning on his heel he brought his shield up and caught Regis by surprise, knocking him on his ass as his sword clattered across the stone haven.

Regis looked up to Clarus' sword, held just below his chin. "I think that's enough swordplay for one day," said the prince, pushing the gargantuan blade to the side and standing up. "Maybe some hand to hand combat?"

Clarus banished his blade and got into fighting stance. "Works for me."

They sparred intensely for several minutes as the sun rose high in the sky. Despite how cool it had been all morning, it was warming up quickly. Clarus tossed his vest to the side, showing off the tattoos on his shoulders. Regis stripped down to his white undershirt. They fought in silence for quite a while. Clarus had skill and strength, but Regis had warping and speed as an advantage. Clarus was almost impressed that Regis seemed to take his training to heart and dodge his blows until he got one good leg sweep in and his prince was on his ass again.

Sprawling back onto the cool stone in defeat, Regis looked up at the passing clouds. "I think that's quite enough."

Clarus got a bottle of water from the cooler and brought it to the prince before sitting down next to him. "You've earned a break. You're improving. Next time we encounter a malboro try and apply all this. Deal? I'd rather not need another maidens kiss any time soon."

Regis sat up and almost looked hurt. "Was I _that_ bad?"

Clarus stopped mid-sip of his water. "What? No, I meant the curative. The kiss was… well I mean I've had better, but I meant I'd rather not be a toad…again." His words died on his lips when the prince's expression suddenly sank. "Reggie are you… are you embarrassed that you're an inexperienced kisser, or the fact that whatever curative magic was involved actually considered you a maiden?"

Regis sighed and rested his arms on his bend knees. "Both, I guess." There was an exceptionally long period of awkward silence between the two. Clarus was thinking of what to say to reassure his ward when Regis turned to him and asked, "Could you teach me?"

Choking on the water he was drinking, Clarus took a moment to gather himself before turning to his prince. "Say again?"

"Could you teach me how to kiss? Properly I mean." Regis face couldn't possibly get any redder, but the longer Clarus took to answer the more anxiety began to slip into the prince's expression. "Actually, n-nevermind. Forget I said anything."

"Reg…I'm flattered, but, I mean…didn't you have retainers growing up? I mean you're twenty years old. You can't seriously tell me you haven't…" Regis shot him a serious look. "You _haven't_. Why?"

Regis shook his head. "I don't know those women and I don't trust them. Most of them came at the behest of my father and that's just…well… it's disquieting when your own father is trying to get you laid because it will 'make me more of a man'." Regis spat out the words with venom.

"King Mors didn't really say that, did he?"

The prince sighed and leaned his head on one hand. "He was well into his cups one night when I confronted him about it, but, yes he did."

"Well, this may be a bit treasonous to say, but your father can be a bit of a narrow-minded asshole at times." Clarus made sure nobody was in earshot when he said it. Just in case.

Regis let out a weak chuckle. "I suppose he is."

"He's wrong too, you know. Getting laid does _not_ make you more of a man. It's not even part of it." Clarus sighed. "But if it makes you feel better and boosts your confidence, then I suppose I can teach you."

Green eyes beamed at him. "Are you sure? I mean, you don't have to…"

 _I'm probably going to need a few drinks in me though,_ Clarus thought to himself. _Six I just agreed to make out with the future King of Lucis. Mors is going to have my head._ He cleared his throat. "No, it's no problem at all," he lied. "Just say you want to head to bed early tonight and I will too. Don't need Cid and his big mouth knowing what's going on."

The Astrals must have had one hell of a sense of humor.

The townsfolk were so pleased with the four of them for getting rid of the malboro that they sent a crate of local food and a few bottles of their specially distilled spirits. However, they sent it to the haven with Cid, who already looked like he was a few shots in when he arrived back at the haven. "Evenin' folks," He said, depositing the crate on the glowing stone.

Weskham looked up from his notepad, irritated. "It's nearly dark, Sophiar. I almost came looking for you."

Cid shrugged indifferently. "Well I'm here, ain't I? I even brought some of them fancy snacks you like." He pulled a green bottle out of the crate and a few metal cups from their gear before pouring four glasses of the emerald colored liquid. He handed one to Weskham, who didn't look up from his writing. "Want a nip?"

Weskham shook his head. "Not at the moment."

"What'cha writing? Love letter?"

"Actually, I'm writing a correspondence to the office aid of Altissian affairs."

Cid smirked. "So, it _is_ a love letter then." Weskham didn't dignify the mechanic with an answer. Cid just chuckled, poured Weskham's share into his own cup, and went over to where the other two were near the fire. He held both of their mugs out in one hand. "Courtesy of the locals."

Clarus and Regis both took their cups, still making small talk. Cid sat down to one side of the fire and took out the blade he'd been working on that looked more engine than sword when Clarus got around to taking a sip. He coughed and sputtered when it hit his tongue. "Six, Cid. What the hell is this stuff? It tastes like gasoline."

Regis looked into his cup hesitantly and took a whiff of it. He wrinkled his nose.

Cid sipped his own as if it were nothing more than tea. "It's cactuar juice."

Clarus looked from his cup to the mechanic and back again. "Cid, this stuff is illegal."

"Not in Insomnia, it's not."

"Yes, but we're not in Insomnia. Where did you get it?"

Shrugging his shoulders, Cid smirked. "Why? You going to arrest them for having a distiller in their basement? This here is a time of war. People need to make money when and where they can."

Regis hazarded a sip, wincing. "Uh, it does taste like gasoline."

"Ya get used to it."

The prince looked down at the green liquid in his glass for a moment before tipping the cup back and downing its contents, much to the shock and surprise of his shield. Grimacing, he swallowed it and for a moment looked like he was fighting his body's urge to bring it back up. Soon enough though his color returned to normal and even had a little flush to it. "Whoa… this stuff works fast."

Cid chuckled and nodded. "The first time, yeah. I made the mistake of drinking a half bottle my first time." He whistled. "Next mornin' I woke up naked in a field. Must be what werewolves must feel like the morning after a full moon."

Regis chuckled and held his cup out. "Mind if I have just a little more?"

Clarus held a hand out and covered the prince's cup as Cid was fixing to pour another. "I think one is enough for the first time."

Both Cid and Regis pouted. The prince set his cup aside and leaned back into his chair. "That's probably for the best. I'm going to call it a night early anyway." He shot a meaningful look at his shield, who suddenly remembered their discussion earlier and swallowed hard. "Goodnight you two. Night, Weskham," he called to the far end of the haven. Weskham only raised a hand in acknowledgement before going back to his correspondence.

Regis hadn't even zipped up the tent before Clarus was downing his drink as well. Cid raised an eyebrow as Clarus held out his cup again. "Give me one more."

"I thought one was enough for the first time?"

"Yeah, but I'm double his size."

Cid chuckled and poured another shot.

Regis had almost fallen asleep, content in the swimming feeling the shot left him with, when Clarus came into the tent. He rolled over and propped himself on his elbows as the larger man slipped into the darkness next to him. His heart had been hammering in his chest ever since he heard the footsteps approach the tent. There was no way Clarus could have known how big of a crush he had on him. Nobody knew that the Prince of Insomnia desired men as much as he did women, despite not having experience with either.

"Hey," whispered Clarus, kneeling down next to his ward's bedroll.

"Hey," Regis whispered back. They looked at each other in silence for a while. Regis swallowed hard. "How do we do this?"

It was difficult to read Clarus' expression in the dark tent, but he imagined the larger man was at a loss as well. Clarus had taught him many things, but never anything like this. "Well, sit up for one." He did, positioning himself on his knees so his face was more level with his shield. "I'm going to be honest," Clarus said quietly, "I'm not exactly sure how to start teaching this sort of thing. So, why don't you just start and I'll show you improvements as we go. Good?"

"Alright." Regis licked his lips nervously. This was almost easier when Clarus was a toad. At least those gorgeous amber eyes weren't looking at him when it happened. Closing his eyes, Regis leaned in, mouth puckered, and bumped noses with his shield.

"Ouch." Clarus rubbed the bridge of his nose and chuckled. "Okay, maybe I should be the one to start. Would that be better?"

Regis just nodded and blushed at his bumbled first attempt. Gods this was embarrassing. "I suppose…"

Suddenly, there were calloused fingers against the line of his jaw and lips pressed to his own. Yesterday was only for an instant so he didn't have time to appreciate it before pulling away. Now, however, Clarus was holding still against him. Even pressure, leaning in slightly, head tilted to one side so their noses didn't bump. Just as the warmth from the kiss began to creep its way through Regis' bloodstream it ended.

Clarus sat back on his haunches and smiled nervously. It was adorable seeing is normally stoic shield thrown off balance. He wasn't sure if it was the liquor or the fact that his crush had just kissed him, but Regis' heart was pounding. He wanted more.

"See? Not so bad once you relax and mmmf!" His words were cut off as Regis leaned in and kissed him again. This time paying attention to where he put his nose and how hard he pushed. In the morning he could blame the alcohol, but right now he wanted this. He ventured opening his mouth slightly, like he'd seen in cinema, and taking hold of Clarus' lower lip before continuing. Much to his surprise and pleasure, Clarus let out a light hum of a moan.

Immediately following the sound, Clarus pulled away wide eyed. For a moment Regis thought his shield would be mad at him being so forward, but soon the look of surprise curled into a tipsy smile. "You learn quick."

The anxiety slipped by the wayside at the comment. "I have a good teacher." A pause, then, "Mind if I practice a little more?" Clarus' amber eyes were dark in the tent. Regis wasn't sure if it was from the lack of light or what they were doing, but when Clarus reached up and hooked the collar of his shirt, pulling him forward, he didn't care. Despite the stubble of his beard Clarus' lips were soft against his own as the kiss began to deepen. They continued like this for a long moment before Regis began to feel the edge of a tongue against his lips and teeth. Granting permission, he opened his mouth just before he heard Weskham's angry voice from outside the tent.

"…can't believe you gave that contraband to the prince and his vassal. What is wrong with you?"

"You weren't having any. I wasn't gonna drink alone."

Clarus and Regis broke apart and laid down in their respective bedrolls as the sound of expensive shoes on stone approached the tent. "Cid, I swear, you have been getting on my very last nerve. If they're sick in the morning, so help me…" Tent unzipped and Weskham stepped inside with the lantern. Clarus held his arm up to shield his eyes. "Sorry to disturb. Are you two alright?"

The shield groaned. "I'll be better when you get that light out of my face."

"Apologies." Weskham doused the light. "How's His Highness?"

"Sleeping," Clarus lied. "Don't worry, I only let him have one shot."

This seemed to placate the steward. "Good. Just make sure he drinks plenty of water, alright?"

"Fine fine."

Weskham put the lantern down and kicked his shoes off, setting them aside in the tent. "See that you do. I'm surprised you let them drink that godsawful substance."

Cid said from outside, "I drink it all the time. Doesn't bother me none."

Weskham rolled his eyes. "Well that certainly explains plenty." He turned to the shield. "I'm going to try and get some sleep. I got a lead on a group of refugees that have hold up in Lestallum from Galahd. We'll be heading out at first light.

"Kay. G'night." Clarus rolled over so he was facing away from the steward.

Regis was already facing the canvas of the tent, pretending to be asleep. Thankful that neither Weskham or Clarus could see the flush that still clung to his face, or the fact that his pants were currently two sizes too small.

~X~X~X

More to come soon. I think I'm on a roll with these two :p

Comments are always welcomed and appreciated. They feed my black little soul and inspire it to write more porn.


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